Rhynie~

Hi, guys… How are you doing? Hope you are doing well and enjoy your great holiday. I do hope I have enjoyed mine too.

Still in holiday mood? u.u

Well, today I woke up around 12 o’clock with a grumble thoughts in my brain, I was thinking about my work and my plans. The work that I was supposed to start doing last Saturday still in my bag. The plans that I have planned to do have never been succeeded. Why? YUP, I can tell you confidently that "Procrascination + my clumsiness" are the main reasons. 

How should I become a better person if I could not even control myself? I can’t control myself to finish the work that I have to do, instead I always doing something that i even don’t know what the h*** are those.

I feel like my head is going to burst now. Even, my heart is going to stop beating, I have no courage to stand up and do my work. What has happened to me?

Last few days, I even stepped into a lost world where there is only one person, myself. Again and again I was searching for the meaning of my life. What is it?

Why I felt that desperate when I don’t even know what made me felt in that way. Am I suffering depression? I have no idea. What I know is that I keep blaming myself of being so lazy, useless and hopeless. In my mind, the word "stupid" that refers to me force the dizziness in my brain. Is it only because I am thinking too much? That the feeling of being so stupid always haunting myself. -.- I have no confidence left in my soul to create my thoughts, i don’t even know what I could do now.

I have never imagined that I could be in this situation where I find myself of being so dumb (like my IQ is decreasing day by day)… Now, I have no courage at all… -.-

That’s the dizziness…

Now, Confusion of myself…

There are just too many things that this confussion have transformed and growing in my deepest mind.

1. Path that I have chosen… I try to avoid thinking about it all the time, but it just popped up everytime out of my control

2. People surrounds me.. Are they really there for me? Not being egoistic..

3. Existing burdens and problems…

hmm… I hope this will end soon…

I need a place to think and calm down… I need someone to guide me out of this black box… I need strength…

3.34 p.m now.. I haven’t started my work at all… ARghhh… i just want to give up now and leave this place.. Sometimes I feel that will be better If I don’t exist in this world.. Yeah, I am tired…

"Hope" is the thing with feathers– That perches in the soul– And sings the tune without the words– And never stops–at all– Emily Dickenson 

~rhyn(w hope)