Rhynie~

http://rhyn.wordpress.com/

Yes, this is my new blog

The last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

Around this time tomorrow,
where will you be?
And who will you be thinking of?

You are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I’ll remember to the love
you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
this will remain a melancholy love song
until my heart can sing a new song

The paused time is
about to start moving
there’s many things that i don’t want to forget about…

tomorrow, at this time
I will be crying
I will probably be thinking about you… (who you will be thinking of?)

You will always be inside my heart
There will always be a place in my heart just for you
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
this will remain a melancholy love song
until my heart can sing a new one

You are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone again someday
I’ll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
This will still be a sad song
now and forever…

~First love~

　ヒカル

LOOK at them.. They enjoyed everything though all are simple stuffs…

Me,

I want a simple life

I want a simple friend

I want a simple feeling

I want a simple family

I want a simple fun

I want a simple happiness

I want a simple sorrow

I want a simple start

I want a simple end

I want a simple love

I want a simple broken heart

I want a simple task

I want a simple journey

I don’t want this complicated long journey anymore…

I don’t want to play in this big life theatre anymore…

I want to simply quit right now… But i can’t….

I don’t feel attached in my body at the moment…

I don’t feel like doing anything anymore…

But what should I do? I am still obligated to do many things…

*sad, unstable, confused, tired, bored* rhyn~

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to scream as loud as I could if only I could do it…

Alright, yesterday I slept around 2.30 a.m. after finishing my presentation slides which are so not strong argument… uhuhu.. I don’t care anymore

However, today I will have to present it in only 5 minutes. To think about it, this is such a waste time task. I had spend hour and hour to read, understand and put it into my slides, but now I am frightened to death thinking about presenting it. I guess will screw everything as usual in my presentation, I will start mumbling or lost points and shivering all the way. -.- I hate presentation, why should I do it? Why should I major in Communication Studies when I don’t have the ability to talk in front of people? one year has passed, I am still think presentation is scary.

I really hope that the 5 minutes of presentation will be just normal and smoothly flow one, people get my point and I enjoy share the case study. Whatever I tried to visualize positiveness of my presentation, I still feel my heart is shrinking and altering to its smallest form. My throat are being blocked by my fear…Everything in my head, my blood is running and bouncing all the way in my body, I feel very uncomfortable now… It seems that I am going to explode soon… huhuhu… my stomach is knoting and my eye is wandering beyond my control… :’(

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh… STRESSED…. I want to scream so that I can release all of those disruption!!!!!!!! Countdown to vomit them out… but how?

Practice? I did.

but, it seems that my whole body is doing bad when it comes to presentation… miehh!

RHYN~!!!

Some people claimed that life is a wonderful journey,

some people claimed that life is merely one time,

some people maybe claimed that life is just a life…

For me, life is the proposinate mixture of those statements.

With some reasons, today I woke up late… and with some reasons again I feel like writing about my journey of life after my 18 years of journey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up this morning around 10,* I woke up late again* , I rushed to shower, then planned every single task that I want to do today. But, eventually I haven’t started doing any of them up until the moment I wrote this.

Well, I have bcome a slacker since I came to Singapore. Seriously, I need to be punished like a child who I am used to. I am not proud of being so lazy or not doing something that I supposed to do. However, I just couldn’t help of doing everything that are not relevant to what I have planned… Then, my mind pushing me to think back then, when I was a little girl and I really feel so excited to write it in my blog.

10 years old small girl…

My mother~

I was in my Primary school back then, I was wearing white as top and red as skirt. Every morning, I would find my mother was preparing our breakfast, sometimes they were toasted sandwiches and milk, sometimes they were my favourite scrambled eggs. Although sometimes I would get scolded if I woke up late and haven’t took shower, but I really missed that moment. After finishing my breakfast, I would follow her to the market where she bought all things that in the lists for our dinner. She seldom cook for lunch since she is also helping my father to look after our shop. The moment when I could follow her in her back, walking through the crowds in market was so comfortable and protected. She would stop for a moment and asked what I would like to eat, she would buy me and my siblings some snacks or stationaries. She know out of her head what my whole family favourite dishes, and she would tell me, smile and said something like this, "Today, we will have ‘Gulai Ikan’, your father, aunt and uncle will really like it." In every dinner, we would have someone’s favourite dishes, we are so happy because she is really the best cook.

My father~

That day, I got my examination results from my main teacher. I was so excited to see how I did for that semester. I was so surprised that I got some bad marks, and I was afraid that someone in my family would scold me, either my father or mother. So, I daren’t to show my result to any of them. But, they finally know about it.

I started to cry when my father staring at my results. I promise that I would do better for the next exam and always be a good girl. However, what I’ve imagined didn’t happen. At first, he just complained about my result and told me to study hard. Then, he gave my support and said something like," If you do well and score 100, I will give you a present. For now, you should tell mom and she will be proud of this result, I guess." I stopped crying and he started to laugh at me. I ran to my mother and she said, "You are smart, so you just need to study hard, alright?" She pointed at one of my bad score and said, "You see this one, if you study hard it will transform 80 or maybe 100. But, you’ve done well."

*When I was back then, I missed the moment. Although I got scolded frequently like whe I faced my father angry face because I didn’t tidy up my room or when I listened to my mother lectures because I didn’t listen to what she told me, or when I quarreled with my siblings since I was the most stubborn.

I don’t say that I missed scolding or quarreling with them. I am saying that I always have the best moment in my life when I was back then. I have the most comfy feeling when I watched television together with them, when we went out for holiday together, when we ate our dinner together, when we face same problem together. If I looked at my childhood pictures, I can see smile around all of our faces, those childlike faces when seeing their children playing in the green field and those happy faces of us playing with one kite in the holiday. :)*

Now, I am 18 years old adolescence. Suddenly I am staying far from my whole family, living and doing things without them by my side anymore, facing trouble by myself, having fun without them anymore. I’ve never imagined that I will be here today. I’ve never know that I will be doing what I am doing today. I guess, my life has passed so fast and without my full consciousness of how it has been 18 years old.

I have no idea of what kind journey is ahead me. I am not so sure whether life is just one time, I don’t know if life is just a life. I stop to think about it just now before I started writing it. I guess, life is unpredictable. We lived in this life without ever know about our future, but we can still has a trip back in the past and treasuring our memories. That trip of past may give gratefulness of what you have achieved today.

~rhyn~

"…
the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walkthough my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever"

So, sad.. but it still has a very nice flow of lyrics n melodies..

ost-200 pounds of beauty

just click on it.. >>byul~ star ***

~rhynie

"This is a great day for dreaming big — so you have to make a point of figuring out what it is that you really want. Don’t forget to let the world know what your hopes and wishes are — how else will anyone know about them? Say them aloud to the universe and picture yourself enjoying them in the future. The more you keep what you want in the front of your mind, the higher the chances are that you will get it. Promote your ideas and think positive. "

~rhyn

Have u ever realized that God has given us brain and mind? 

Those are different in some ways and similar in others…?

God has given us brain to think…

He gives us mind to contemplate…

But, recently I found myself hard to be in the right mind to contemplate or in the left brain to think…

Anyway, it was just scratch of what I felt right now…

I’ve never imagined that one day like this will ever come again, when every words of people said, I’ve trusted wholeheartedly…

Not only once I’ve encountered this, it has been third or fourth time in my life. It will never be happened again ever! I promised at myself not to trust anyone that day, a year ago…

But then, I began to give a chance for my mind and brain to have the word of "belief" again.. I met a lot of people and I begin to share what "trust" in everyone that I know.. I give my mind a space to be able to believe in people, I let my brain to spell "belief" gradually.. Just before that day came again….

I remembered my mind and brain were unable to allow the "trust" go through them..

They have blocked every single door in my heart that made my blood burst into crystals of pain. 

I was exploded and trembled…

That day, no one hardly knew what was happening in this thin and quite strong body… I was quite sure that most people would judge I am at a "fine" condition.. which could be wrong…

Fortunately, I still have some people who were willing to help me out, help me to not think about what’s wrong with my brain and mind actually..

Thankfully, I still have my family… especially my mom who lend me her right mind to guide me out of my wrong sided mind…

Although those help me in some way, but I won’t be able to be the one who used to be in the past any longer… I may change, I may stay.. But, I will never be in any faith with human. Human is complex as I learnt. But sadly, I am still a human…

~rhyn€s~

At the moment, I feel like losing my passion for life once again…

I don’t know what I want to achieve… I have no idea of what I really want to be, when I will feel happy and satisfied, or who are they that I am sure are part of my life… my friends? my families? I don’t even know…

Time has passed so fast as I was late to realize that I have missed a lot of things… I has gave up so many things maybe, because I always don’t have a hundred percent certainty when I decide something…Maybe, I have abandoned myself because of the word "doubtful"…

August 07,

That day, I felt someone behave in that way. But, when I look again today, that way has changed… It changed until I couldn’t even recognized that people anymore, that person has turned up like a completely stranger for me. I am like not in the eye of that person, my brain frequently asked myself to think about logic that people can change for sure… But, I just can’t accept the fact that people could be so easily changed like that… As in I am not in this world… As in I never be the friend of that person…

Should I be the one who ignored u? or should I just pretend we are stranger? I am such a fool to think about why I should contemplating about the way I will react in front of u.. There is no need for that… I know,

Sad is my first reaction, angry came after that…

However, eventually I think I will be the stupidest one if I angry bcoz of that person.. I will spend the most priceless time if I kept thinking of what has happened.

Well, I don’t know what exactly I want to do with it.. But, I will try to focus on other more valuable things in this life… Maybe I just can’t find what I want… I don’t know what I want, that is the problem..

Then, wishing for something that I will never get is my hobby.. That hobby really make me get hurt all the time… I just can’t help it..

Wishing for someone doing something that I will never tell is also my favourite attitude… That will just draw me back into my black hole again, actually… Feeling so small in the heart…

Only if, someday I can know what I really want, what I really searching for in this life… That day, I will relieved…

Until that day come to me, I will keep living like this…

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Fruits Basket~

I was so happy when you smile
Your smile breaks through the clouds of gray
Not from the sunny days that life can bring
Awaiting the patience from the spring when the flowers can bloom anew again
Knowing there’s more beyond the pain of today
Although the scares from yesterday remain,
You can go on living as much as your heart believes
You can’t be born again although you can change
Let’s stay together always

Rhyn~

"Sometimes I’ve asked myself, what would make me happy? To think that I have everything else, I get what I want… then I realized it was YOU, too bad ’cause it’s you can’t have…

I can’t choose who I’m gonna love, but I also can’t just love who chooses to love me… and you can’t blame me in choosing to love you as much as I can’t blame you for not learning to love me.

I’m sorry if you can’t love me the way you loved the one before me, so I’ll let you go to find her and hope someday you’ll see that the one true love your’re looking for was the pne who set you free…"

"How can i say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who  was never mine? Why is that I miss someone I was never with and I ask why I love someone who’s love was never mine?" Isn’t it funny we’re trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love; we hardly notice the one wer’re really looking for was just there. You don’t notice them ’till they are in the arms of someone else…

"The cruelest thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn’t intend to catch her fall!" 

~ well, all those quotes really make me to contemplate what a love really is… I took those quotes because I feel like they are really true… I’ve been in ther & I know how it feels… What do u think?

~Rhyn~